We all have heard the term: “To be or not to be, that is the question”? In this case, to blog or not to blog, that is the question. These few months has been a wild roller coaster. To be honest, I have never found myself in a position where I have hit the backspace button more in my life. At times, I have had trouble writing as if a huge gigantic writer’s block that is stuck to the inside of my skull and working it’s way like a magnetic chip. After a while, I felted that there was something bothering me, coz I was distracted by many thoughts in my head. Then I decided to sit-down and have a little ‘ME’ time and wanted to sought-out the things that has been bothering me. And here is what I found:-
A few months back, I have decided to resign from my current workplace as my youngest daughter needs to go for Speech Therapy sessions and Early Development Programs sessions at least 3 (Three) times in a week at the local Child Development Centre. And these sessions will take 1 hour up to 3 hours in a day that will last for the next 6 (six) months. Both my girls were diagnose with Learning Difficulties and Speech Delay, with my youngest she had NASB (Negative Attention Seeking Behaviour) where she could have mild to severe tantrums at times when she felt frustrated if she could not express herself. As a concern parent, I decided to take a leap of faith and handed in my 2 (two) months resignation letter. And time flies by very fast and this month will be my last month titled as a ‘Working’ mum. Only did it hit me when some of my relatives were asking me ‘What am I going to do next’? And it occurred to me that, will my plan to run a full-time online business with a part-time income work for me? What happens if it has gone down the drain? How are we going to find an alternative income to pay the bills, to buy groceries, to buy school necessities for the little ones during back-to-school seasons, to purchase necessities during next Ramadhan and Raya (Eid Mubarak)? There was a voice inside my head that grows louder and louder by each and every day as the days on my calendar count-down. The voice was so loud that the tiny, little whisper of hope was almost gone. Then chills ran down my spine, as I realised that I feared of what the future will be.
2. LEAP OF FAITH
Now that I was able to identify the factors that created the writer’s block inside my head. I admitted to myself that I feared of something that was not certain and that it was all in my head, imagining and envisioning of things that could bring negative impact to me. I told myself and kept repeating to myself that I took ‘A Leap of Faith’ and why should I fear of something that is uncertain, when I have Allah. Only then it hit me. These 4 words meant something to me:-
“A LEAP OF FAITH”
Leap : to transition / transport one place to another.
Faith: To believe in your faith and that your faith will guide you.
When we believe, truly believe that everything happens for a reason.
Is prescribed upon you [the] fighting while it (is) hateful to you. But perhaps [that] you dislike a thing and it (is) good for you; and perhaps [that] you love a thing and it (is) bad for you. And Allah knows while you (do) not know. Ayat Al-Baqarah, 2:216
I told myself that if I kept on thinking of negative thoughts, my body will take me to that direction. Apa yang kitani fikirkan adalah doa (What we think is apart of our prayers). Think positive, have the right intentions, set a positive mind, plenty of Doas & Prayers, plenty of Usaha (Actions), Istiqamah (Consistency), Tawakal (Trusting in Allah’s Plan) and always and always tanamkan rasa Syukur (Appreciation and Thankfulness)
On the other side, Alhamdulilah that I am able to identify the bumps and curves that are affecting my girls development. And I know in my heart that this sacrifice will be an investment for them and their future. Now I end this post with a question:-
“To Blog or Not to Blog” It is a choice. And we all have a choice, a choice to fear or a choice to identify that fear and do something about it.
Much Love; Sarah@21st Century Sarah